Peace scripture for today








"Everybody in this life has their challenges and difficulties. That is part of our mortal test. The reason for some of these trials cannot be readily understood except on the basis of faith and hope because there is often a larger purpose which we do not always understand. Peace comes through hope." — James E. Faust

Psalms 34: 14" ...and do good; seek peace, and pursue it"

Isaih 43: 1, 2, 5 "But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.
When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rives, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned: neither shall the flames kindle upon thee. ..Fear not: for I am with thee"







Peace is not passive. It is an active journey.



And another:

But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war….many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility. (Alma 62:41)



At first glance, this scripture may not feel like it is about peace, but, as I read it, I can understand in a new way, that peace is a choice. Where some are hardened, others are humbled. Which will I be?













Monday, June 6, 2011

The Gift named Empathy

I am realizing that the greatest gift that I have received through this year of learning and searching for peace is the gift of empathy for the mother that is on her own.  I am particulary empathetic for the mother that is in the sceanrio in a more permanent manner than I find myself in-- the divorced, single mother.  As I have been working through all of the different issues that come to my life as a result of havng Alan gone, I know, that, while often I am experiencing additional burdens, the plan in this part of my life is temporary.  Our life is united and our commitments are in tact-- only Alan's location has changed.  When I am lonely, burdened, or stressed, I know that there is an end date, I can share my concerns with Alan when he calls daily.  His daily calls have been a layer of support that I cannot imagine doing without.  What of the woman that is not getting a daily call of support, love and gratitude for all she is doing to raise their children?  Where does this lonely and worried mother turn?  Who cares as much about her children as she does?  Whose life's hopes and dreams are as directly tied to her children and their family as hers are?  In the case of divorce, even with a good relationship with the former spouse, there is a history of lack.  There is a history where one person decided to leave the family home.  The support in the little moments is gone. 

I have been given immense support and sympathy from strangers, friends and family.  People thank me for doing the job that I am doing at home while my husband is serving our country.  I don't have anyone in my life that is working against me, that is fighting with me over the children and how to move forward in life.  I have a husband that supports my life and wants to discuss our family goals with me.  I do not have the pain of a marriage that ended, I live with the hope and gratitutde of a marriage in tact. 

I have been lonely, but only for a moment.  I have been worried about finances, children and their emotions, our safety, our future, but with each of these issues, I have a partner and support.  I am committed to my marriage relationship and not worried about spending my life alone.  The pit in my stomach and the lonelieness that I have experiences this year is not my new life.  It is my season.

I hope that I can sustain and maintain an understanding an empathy for the divorced mother.  I have been given a gift, a glimpse into the pain and emotional upheaval of the life of a single mother, without having to actually have to go through the pain and agony of divorce.  I have had a certain kind of pain that has its roots in having my husband in a place of extreme danger.  I feel sick about that and it physcially hurts my heart and leaves a pit on my stomach to have him there.  It is not the same as divorce, but, I feel a pain caused by his absence and the danger of his location and lifestyle.  This gift of empathy, .like all spiritual gifts, helps me to understand, in some way the burdens.  The gift of empathy also helps me to remember that my burdens are not comparatively great.  My burdens that will last the season are not as easily lifted in her life.  I can begin to feel sorry for myself and then I remember the many women that I know and love that have felt this pain and will continue to feel this pain far after this season of my life turns into just one of the stories of my life.  This isn't THE story of my life, it is a thread in my tapestry.  It is a journey that I did not choose but one that has taught me well in so many ways.  This gift of empathy is one that I can open and enjoy and also one that is piled up, beautifully wrapped and ready for me to give to her.

 She has the burden of worry and concern and does not have the blessing of daily support and acceptance from her husband.  I have learned that there are many ways that someone could step in and help me by doing small things this year, I hope to stay aware of those things as we move forward in life and look for ways to help and support the divorced mother.  I hope to keep my eyes open to the needs that now are so obvious to me.  It is essential to look outward.  My needs are few and my ability to support and help others is great.  I have a husband that is willing to help others.  I need to gain a habit of consistently looking for ways to help the divorced mother that is trying to build a home filled with love while she is in the midst of heartache and loneliness.

This year, there are things that I have noticed that need to be done and that I have needed help with but didn't always feel up to asking for help.  There are things that people have done for me because they noticed a need.  I appreciate those things.  Some of the things that are needed will cost money.  Money is almost always tight for a divorced mom.  Her children are going without some of the things that she would like to be able to have them do. 



Some of the things that I have learned:
1. just show up and mow the lawn-- of course everyone could use a favor like that, don't ask, just do it
2.  give her children rides to things-- offer to pick up the child for a weekly event such as a music lesson or school club
3. instead of hometeaching or visiting teaching with a quick stop by, maybe hometeach and visit teaching could look like 3-5 times a year, we go over as a family and get a project done for them.  Spend the entire day on their project
4.  invite the family over for dinner
5. invite the family on a family outing and take care of the details
6.  invite their children to do something and give her a break-- take her children to the park, on  a hike, to the movies, somewhere fun
7.  get her a book, write her a note complimenting her on something she is doing or something her children have done-- notice her, notice her children
8.  send her for a haircut and take her children-- pay for her haircut
9. weed a part of her yard
10. buy her a gift certificate for an oil change
11. arrange and pay for music lessons or other lessons that her children would like
12.  pay for scout camp, girl's camp. youth conference for her children
13.  send a gift certificate to Target or the grocery store-- particulary around birthdays and Christmas
14.  remember her birthday-- take her somewhere, take her children shopping for her
15. drop by some flowers
16.  Send her emails with spiritual thoughts
17. call her
18. make sure she gets to go to church events like firesides and relief society events
19. call her and take dinner over to her just because
20. Find out what she would like to do in her house and help her find a cheap option
21.  Find someone retired in the ward that will come over and do handy-man work for her without a fee.
22. Help make it possible for her to go away for the weekend with her children-- find a cabin and rent it for her, find someone that will let her have something for free.  Fill her gas tank for the trip.
23. make it a matter of prayer.  pray about her, pray for ideas to help her, pray to know how to support her specifically
24.  notice her and let her know that she is noticed
25.  Help her to find a place in the ward and to find connections and friends
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