So, it would be nice if I turned this corner at the first part of my journey, but, I must be ready to accept progress as it comes I suppose. I had two different experiences lately that gave me reason to think about what I should expect of myself as I journey toward peace in my life. Iwatched a biography on President Thomas Monson and read a book by Gerald Lund and each provided examples of women that went through difficult times and chose not to complain. These women chose the path of gratitude. As I listened to the biography on President Monson and all he has been able to accomplish for good in his lifetime, I reflected on the contributions and life-style of his wife. She had her third child in Canada while he was a mission president. She was responsible for her little family of three children and an entire mission full of sweet missionaries. There were many examples of times when her husband, in the ensuing years, was gone from home frequently and, often for long periods of time. In these accounts, it is clear that their home was a refuge for the family and the children had a wonderful childhood. Their family life did not suffer even though their father traveled extensively throughout their lives. She certainly took on much of the responsibilities of the home while he served in his several church responsibilities. She may have been the kind of person that wouldn't complain and feel like a burden was placed on her shoulders, or she may have made a conscious decision somewhere down the line to choose not to complain.Complaining and overwhelmed is a choice. It is the place that I land when I haven't taken care of myself spiritually and when I have not taken the time to assure that there is order in my home. It takes a considerable amount of time to be a homemaker. To be a homemaker, I must put as a priority, the feel and spirit in my home. To have the desired spirit in my home, I need to be present--emotionally, spiritually, and physcially. Certainly, I can leave and go and do other things outside of the home, but not until the priorities of the home are taken care of. This is my opportunity, my responsibility and my priority. If our home is to be a refuge for my family, there must be a sense of order and serenity in it. These do not come by accident or without consistent and constant effort toward this end.
As I read the book by Gerald Lund, I was struck by the frequency of the stories of women that were given burdens beyond their ability to bear, and yet, they bore them with faith and courage. Most of the women in the stories were of pioneer heritage. They did not decide to complain and consider their lives a burdensome tragedy, they knelt and prayed, trusted in God and accomplished tasks far greater than their capacity. They enlarged their capacity through their faith in God and yoked to the Savior as they tapped into the blessings of grace and mercy available through His atonement. Their hearts were turned toward their home and their family. Their home did not always stay in one location, but they made their home in the place that they were. They made a refuge for their families. Children gatehrered around mothers, husbands relied on their wives to be what was needed in their home. These women did what was needed because it was needed. They did not get weary of well doing and did not look for an easier way. They may have hoped for a time when life's burdens did not continue at an intense rate, but they did not lose focus of the present and the requirement for goodness and faith in the very moments.
I have not been without faith during this journey. I have certainly been focused on my home and on creating a place where my children can go for peace. I believe that my focus on our home and on being a homemaker has made this journey possible thus far. Without my consistent focus on our home as a place for peace, this year would have been much more difficult for each of us.
The corner that I am turning is another step toward peace and renewed courage. I am learning to move away from the habit of complaining and be able to find opportunity for gracious acceptance of this period of our lives. I am beginning to understand the capacity that I have been given throughout this process and am coming to be thankful for the experience. It is not an experience that I would have sought out for myself but, God, in His goodness was able to instruct me in the midst of my fear and take what little faith that I extened to the situation and expanded it for me. My faith has grown as I have witnessed over and over how often God has directed angels to watch over us. I know that there are angels, both mortal and immortal, that receive promptings regarding our family. I know that the spirit has consistently pricked the hearts of people to offer goodness and kindness that benefits our family. As I wrote that last sentence, Melissa just called to see if we could go to lunch-- another angel calling to check on me:)
I am on a journey. My location is not going to change but my journey is an emotional, and physical one nonetheless.