My response to Catherine today was a good reflection of my process right now:
We are doing ok. Sometimes I do ok, and then I hit a bump where it just isn’t ok. I seem to cry at least once a day. Not for long, often-times more just tearing up, but, I find that my emotions are always close to the surface. I am not even always sad, sometimes I cry when things are cute, sweet, when someone is kind to me, when someone asks how Alan is doing, when someone understands my heart…I am just always close to tears it seams. I am grateful for prayers and thank you for putting us in the temple and for telling me about the prayer. Prayer is such a lifeline for me. I know that people are praying for me and I have asked Alan to say a prayer each night (well, when it is night for us) around bedtime and ask God to protect us and our home. I have always had a hard time at night and, the prayers of others and my prayers have combined to strengthen me and give me peace at night. I will always hate nighttime, but, I am not gripped with fear like I have been in the past. I ask God to send angels to stand at the corners of our property (I am not sure there is any doctrinal reference point here, but it works for meJ) and then I go to sleep, trusting that the words “Oh know ye not that angels are near you, from darkest night into day” are literal and available to me.
Oh how grateful I am for angels on heaven and earth and for the prayers of good people.
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