Today started out hard. I was sad and somewhat depressed. There is so much pressure to keep going and to have a good attitude and to handle the tight finances etc etc etc. It’s sometimes more than I can take. People around me are so good and kind and I am trying each day to find the things that I appreciate about my life, but, today was difficult to find that happy spot. As the day wore on, I did better. It took me the whole morning though. I know that there would be days like that whether Alan were home or not, but, I still blame everything on the fact that he’s gone. Catherine sent me a sweet note tonight that reminded me that I am ok, that we are ok, that things are ok...She ended her email with "We will keep Alan in our prayers and we probably need to keep all of you in them--tough to be separated. But you are one of the most confident, capable and courageous women I know and I am sure you are up to the task!"
I didn’t feel confident, capable or courageous today. I felt defeated. I have to remember that I am truly up for this task and that I am being guided and blessed every step of the way.
Some days are better than others.
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